dandy's journal by Arwen (dandybun) wrote,
dandy's journal by Arwen
dandybun

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A poem...

There used to be a 2-foot called Staney Monologue who used to furporm things called Holloways. Some of his Holloways were quite amusing and I was thinking of one of them earlier today when I was watching all the terrible flooding in Cumbria on the light up box... Anyway, I thought this might raise a smile.

Marriott Edgar, 1932

I'll tell you an old-fashioned story
That Grandfather used to relate,
Of a joiner and building contractor;
'Is name, it were Sam Oglethwaite.

In a shop on the banks of the Irwell
Old Sam used to follow 'is trade,
In a place tha'll have 'eard of, called Bury;
Tha knows, where black puddings is made.

One day, Sam were filling a knot 'ole
Wi' putty, when in through the door
Came an old feller fair wreathed wi' whiskers;
T'ould chap said 'Good morning. I'm Noah.'

Sam asked Noah what was 'is business,
And t'ould chap went on to remark
That, not liking the look of the weather,
'E were thinking of building an Ark.

'E'd gotten the wood for the bulwarks,
And all t'other shipbuilding junk,
And wanted some nice Bird's Eye Maple
To panel the side of 'is bunk.

Now Maple were Sam's Mon-o-po-ly;
That means it were all 'is to cut,
And nobody else 'adn't got none;
So Sam asked Noah three ha'pence a foot.

'A ha'penny too much,' replied Noah,
A Penny a foot's more the mark;
A penny a foot, and when t'rain comes
I'll give you a ride in me Ark.

But neither would budge in the bargain;
Whe whole daft thing were kind of a jam,
So Sam put 'is tongue out at Noah,
And Noah made 'Long Bacon' at Sam.

In wrath and ill-feeling they parted,
Not knowing when they'd meet again,
And Sam had forgot all about it,
'Til one day it started to rain.

It rained and it rained for a fortni't,
And flooded the whole countryside.
It rained and it kep' on raining,
'Til the Irwell was fifty miles wide.

The 'ouses were soon under water,
And folks to the roof 'ad to climb.
They said 'twas the rottenest summer
That Bury 'ad 'ad for some time.

The rain showed no sign of abating,
And water rose hour by hour,
'Til the only dry land were at Blackpool,
And that were on top of the Tower.

So Sam started swimming to Blackpool;
It took 'im best part of a week.
'Is clothes were wet through when 'e got there,
And 'is boots were beginning to leak.

'E stood to 'is watch-chain in water,
On Tower top, just before dark,
When who should come sailing towards 'im
But old Noah, steering 'is Ark.

They stared at each other in silence,
'Til Ark were alongside, all but,
Then Noah said: 'What price yer Maple?'
Sam answered: 'Three ha'pence a foot.'

Noah said 'Nay; I'll make thee an offer,
The same as I did t'other day.
A penny a foot and a free ride.
Now, come on, lad, what does tha' say?'

'Three ha'pence a foot,' came the answer.
So Noah 'is sail 'ad to hoist,
And sailed off again in a dudgeon,
While Sam stood determined, but moist.

Noah cruised around, flying 'is pigeons,
'Til fortieth day of the wet,
And on 'is way back, passing Blackpool,
'E saw old Sam standing there yet.

'Is chin just stuck out of the water;
A comical figure 'e cut.
Noah said: 'Now, what's the price of yer Maple?'
Sam answered: 'Three ha'pence a foot.'

Said Noah: 'Ye'd best take my offer;
It's last time I'll be hereabout;
And if water comes half an inch higher,
I'll happen get Maple for nowt.'

'Three ha'pence a foot it'll cost yer,
And as fer me,' Sam said, 'don't fret.
The sky's took a turn since this morning;
I think it'll brighten up yet.
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